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How to Help Your Teen Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

Lia Reed

A happy teen with her friends

Watching your teen struggle with self-confidence can be incredibly difficult. You might see them shy away from opportunities, second-guess themselves, or speak negatively about their abilities. Adolescence is a critical time for developing a sense of self, and as a parent or caregiver, you play an important role in helping your teen build self-confidence and self-esteem. The good news? There are practical ways to support your teen as they learn to see their own worth and develop the resilience needed to navigate life’s challenges.


What is the Difference Between Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem?

Before diving into strategies, it’s helpful to clarify what we mean by self-confidence and self-esteem. While the terms are related, they aren’t the same. Self-confidence refers to your teen’s belief in their ability to accomplish specific tasks or handle situations - whether it’s acing a math test or making a new friend. 


Self-esteem, on the other hand, is their overall sense of self-worth. It’s the foundation that helps them feel they are valuable and deserving, no matter their successes or failures. Both are essential for your teen’s emotional health and development, and building one often supports the other.


1. Model Confidence and Self-Acceptance

Teens are constantly observing the adults in their lives, even when it seems like they’re not paying attention. One of the most powerful ways you can encourage self-confidence in your teen is by modelling it yourself. Show them what it looks like to take on challenges, bounce back from mistakes, and speak kindly to yourself. If you’re constantly criticizing yourself or downplaying your accomplishments, your teen might adopt similar habits.


Instead, be mindful of how you talk about yourself in front of your teen. Celebrate your strengths, acknowledge areas for growth without judgment, and demonstrate self-compassion when things don’t go as planned. Your example can have a profound impact.


2. Praise Effort, Not Just Outcomes

It’s tempting to cheer for your teen only when they achieve something big, like getting a high grade or winning a competition. While celebrating accomplishments is important, focusing exclusively on outcomes can send the message that their worth is tied to success.


Instead, emphasize the effort they put in and the courage it took to try. For example, say things like, “I’m so proud of how hard you worked on that project,” or, “I admire how brave you were to audition for the school play.” This approach teaches them that it’s okay to fail and that their value isn’t dependent on perfection.


3. Encourage Healthy Risk-Taking

Building confidence requires stepping outside of one’s comfort zone. Encourage your teen to try new things, even if they’re nervous or unsure. Whether it’s joining a club, applying for a part-time job, or speaking up in class, these experiences help them develop a sense of capability and resilience. When your teen hesitates, remind them that it’s okay to feel afraid and be there to support them through it. Celebrate their willingness to try, regardless of the outcome.


4. Create Opportunities for Responsibility

Giving your teen age-appropriate responsibilities can boost their sense of competence and self-worth. When they’re entrusted with tasks like planning a family meal, babysitting a sibling, or managing their own schedule, they learn they are capable of handling challenges. Responsibility also fosters a sense of independence, which is a key part of building confidence.


Make sure to approach this with balance. The goal is to empower your teen, not overwhelm them. Offer guidance when needed, but resist the urge to micromanage - letting them figure things out on their own can be a confidence booster in itself.


5. Help Them Identify and Build on Their Strengths

Everyone has unique strengths, and helping your teen identify theirs can significantly enhance their self-esteem. Encourage them to explore their interests and passions, whether it’s art, sports, writing, or problem-solving. Once they’ve discovered what they’re good at, provide opportunities for them to develop those skills further.


For instance, if your teen loves painting, consider enrolling them in an art class or displaying their work at home. If they’re passionate about helping others, suggest volunteering opportunities. When teens see themselves succeeding in areas they care about, their confidence grows naturally.


6. Teach Them to Challenge Negative Self-Talk

Negative self-talk is a common struggle for many teens, and you may notice your teen saying things like “I’m not good enough” or “I always mess things up.” These internalized messages can take a toll on their self-esteem. Help your teen recognize when they’re engaging in this kind of thinking and encourage them to challenge it.


Teach them to ask themselves, “Is this thought really true?” or “What evidence do I have to support this?” Help them reframe negative thoughts into more balanced and compassionate ones. For example, “I always fail” could become, “I didn’t do well this time, but I can learn from it and try again.”


7. Foster a Safe and Supportive Environment

Your teen’s home environment has a powerful impact on their self-esteem. It’s important to create a space where they feel loved, valued, and accepted for who they are. Start by encouraging open and honest communication. Let your teen know they can share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. Listening actively and empathetically - without immediately trying to solve their problems - can help them feel truly heard.


Validation is another key component of a supportive environment. Even if you don’t fully understand their perspective, acknowledge their emotions with phrases like, “I hear you,” or, “That sounds really tough.” This helps your teen feel seen and supported, which can strengthen their sense of self-worth.


8. Encourage Professional Support When Needed

Sometimes, teens need more support than parents can provide on their own. If your teen’s self-esteem issues are leading to significant struggles with their mental health, relationships, or academics, it may be time to consider therapy. A therapist can provide a safe space for your teen to explore their feelings, develop coping skills, and build confidence in themselves.


If your teen is looking for help with their self-confidence or self-esteem, feel free to explore our page on teen therapy, contact us, or book your free consultation to see how we could be of help.

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